Failure

We sometimes find inspiration in the unlikeliest places: family and friends. You may be surprised, but sometimes it’s hard to look at the ones you love most and acknowledge failure. As a child, I hid my bad grades from my mom. I didn’t openly tell her,  “look ma’ I got a D!”

And the feelings that resonate with failure: hurt, fear, self-doubt, not only going through my mind, but what if it’s going through theirs?  How can I receive inspiration when it is them I want to inspire.

It’s hard to keep going, it’s hard to try to live while skimming the surface of who you are.

Don’t do it.  Let go.

During my most recent down-turn, I realized that it is because of my family that I must keep working at improving my mindset. Failure is defined by me. No one else.  So in light of my recent failure, I turned to a friend. A friend I’ve never met face to face, but one who knows a different part of who I am. The writer in me.

And she told me all the things I needed to hear, all the things I believed in myself, once upon a time, and reminded me that I deserve better.

So, my partners in crime. YOU deserve better. Make that your mantra and define it as you will.

 

My decision to brave the…change

In 2009 I decided to make a life change. I wanted balance in my life. I sought spiritual peace. I longed for fulfillment of self, though I still had no clue what that meant or what it would look like. My decision to go for it came about due to a chain letter I received from a family member.

This chain letter spoke of a woman whose life was filled with chaos. A mother, a wife, she prayed to God for peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of family. This woman needed a sense of self. Until one day, God took her family away. The message in this dreaded chain letter: be careful what you ask for.

Now, when I read this letter I saw myself as that woman. I needed peace in my life. I needed to be someone a part from my family. So when I read this I laughed. I laughed so hard it hurt. I laughed until tears streamed down my face. I laughed and laughed and actually responded to said family member who sent it.

The want of peace in my life does not equate to absence of my family, or even the chaos. I do not think  God put me on this Earth to be miserable, stepped on, disrespected, and be made to feel inferior by anyone. Especially myself.

There is a difference between seeking change and regret.

I do not regret my family. It is because of them I am who I am.

I do not regret my choice in seeking balance in my life. It is the only way I can feel whole.

I no longer feel guilty in thinking of me.

Neither should you.