Failure

We sometimes find inspiration in the unlikeliest places: family and friends. You may be surprised, but sometimes it’s hard to look at the ones you love most and acknowledge failure. As a child, I hid my bad grades from my mom. I didn’t openly tell her,  “look ma’ I got a D!”

And the feelings that resonate with failure: hurt, fear, self-doubt, not only going through my mind, but what if it’s going through theirs?  How can I receive inspiration when it is them I want to inspire.

It’s hard to keep going, it’s hard to try to live while skimming the surface of who you are.

Don’t do it.  Let go.

During my most recent down-turn, I realized that it is because of my family that I must keep working at improving my mindset. Failure is defined by me. No one else.  So in light of my recent failure, I turned to a friend. A friend I’ve never met face to face, but one who knows a different part of who I am. The writer in me.

And she told me all the things I needed to hear, all the things I believed in myself, once upon a time, and reminded me that I deserve better.

So, my partners in crime. YOU deserve better. Make that your mantra and define it as you will.

 

Love

…the magic that binds.

Inspiring to inspire

Huh?

That’s how I’ve felt this last couple of days. It takes a lot of work to think about what to be inspired about, but only a moment to really remember it. I’ve been racking my brain trying to think about what inspiration I could extend all the while thinking about what I’m going to cook for dinner, what I’m going to wear to work, how my kids are doing in school…the list could go on and on and on…and it does if I let it.

But…I need to pause. Take a moment to reflect. Just ten seconds of the day. Carry something as a reminder to pause and be grateful for something. It could be that my kids are in school and doing well, that I have a choice of food to make for dinner, that I have clothes…anything. I carry around a smooth stone. Right now It’s buried somewhere in the deep pocket of my purse, but when I go fishing for something and I find it, it reminds me to pause and be thankful.

Hitting a springboard

Sometimes we have to hit that proverbial brick wall in order to bounce back. Can we bounce back after smashing head first into a brick wall? Not likely.

Let’s replace that visual perception with…let’s say, a springboard. We can certainly bounce back from a springboard.

 What is a springboard?  Flexible diving board; a flexible board on which gymnast bounce in order to gain height for vaulting; and an event, activity, or plan that provides an opportunity for something or helps to promote future success (Encarta Dictionary).

 We definitely have to hit that springboard! And it is a good thing because it gives us strength, challenges, and eventually it helps us learn and grow.  Okay, enough with the rolling eyes.  Remember perception.

 Some suggestions I found to be helpful for me are:

          Do not live in the past. People you don’t even know have influenced you in ways you cannot imagine.  As children we learn from our perception of the outside world because, well, we don’t know any better. But what does that mean? You remember that grouchy old lady that kept trying to throw that sandal at you in an effort to save her tomato garden, the one that constantly hollered at you saying you wouldn’t amount to anything. Well, her perception of life stems from her own experiences and so if you take what she tells you to heart, you, in fact, are being influenced by whomever influenced her, whom you never met, and so the cycle continues.  And so does your dislike of tomatoes.

 

Learn to pay attention to your body and learn to name what you feel. There is power in a name. Just ask He-who-must-not-be-named, i.e Voldemort.  By naming what ever “it” is gives it substance, makes it real. It becomes something that can actually be worked on. It also puts things in perspective.  For example, I will bring up the dreaded R word that we writers cringe from. Rejection. I will use the word here, though I tend to see it as passed opportunities. When I get over the initial shock and disappointment of those passed opportunities and those darn “I’m not good enough” thoughts come seeping in, I ask myself to name exactly how I feel. Give it credence, give it its due and then ask yourself what has changed as a result. In most cases it will be nothing. My heart is still beating, my lungs are still working, my hands are still moving, my eyes are still seeing. I am exactly in the same place. Nothing has changed as a result. I will continue to write because it is what I love to do. Period. 

Recommended read: Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth.

 

Annihilate the concept of Instant Gratification. It is the impediment of all evil. I say this as I munch on sweet bread shaped like a cow. I will not say more.

 I’d rather love and lost then never to have loved at all. I read that somewhere when I was in high school a very long time ago, and it followed me through adulthood. You cannot regret when the decisions you made were for love. Martha Beck wrote an article in the O’ Oprah Magazine, July 2008, Who’s Sorry Now? Six steps to regret proof your life. She wrote that when faced with a decision, move towards love, not away from fear. Words to live by.

 And finally—since we are not perfect. Nope. Especially not me. We all have issues. That one thing above all others, which irks us to the point where we expend more energy trying to get rid of than on things we should be doing. We believe that with that one thing fixed, or gone, our lives will be so much better. This thing seems to have no end. No hope. It may be finances; it may be a book deal. There is something that gives rise to our irk-ness.

 There is a way to combat this per Ms. Martha Beck. Three simple steps. Hey, I’m up for simplicity. 

1.  Imagine the issue gone. Visualize it completely eradicated.

2. Then concentrate on something else that needs fixing or attention and fix it.

3. Then after you fix it, you can go back to worrying about that one thing. Eventually, it will stop being the focus it used to be.

  Hmm…sounds like a no-brainer. Makes sense too.

 And there you have it, complete change in a month. Not really. This is a working document to be regurgitated regularly.

Find your muse

The definition of muse: in Greek mythology, poetry, and literature, are the goddesses who inspire the creation of literature and the arts. They were considered the source of the knowledge, related orally for centuries in the ancient culture, that was contained in poetic lyrics and myths. (Wikipedia)

I depend highly on my muse for inspiration and accountabilty. My muse can be anyone–you, my readers, or someone else of my choosing. I change them depending on how I feel or who I need at that particular moment in my life.

• Do I need the one that guides me as I create?
• Do I need the one that tells me I’m not worthless?
• Do I need the one that tells me to keep going?
• Do I need the one I blame for all that’s wrong with me?

A muse can be a very enlightening thing. Though the muse was intended to inspire those folks with creativity, a muse can go beyond that and inspire you to dream, to live, to create something inside you. And…if nothing else, you can blame him for all that’s wrong in the world.

February’s Theme: Inspiration

Who inspires you?